Ever since I was a child, when I've felt down in
the dumps or had plans fall through, people have always told me,
"everything happens for a reason." Perhaps I bought into that
sentiment when I was a clueless kid wearing heart-shaped glasses, but as an
adult(ish) I have refused to ever believe that. Still . . . I wonder.
Back in the summer of 2009, before Charlie Sheen
had tiger blood and Miley Cyrus started twerking, I planned on graduated
college by spring of 2013 - plans change. Four plus years, more short-term
jobs than I’d care to think about, an excessive amount of car repairs, a
cancelled engagement, and more homework than anyone should have to do in life
and I’m still in school. In fact, I’m going to be staying in school for yet
another semester and will be leaving Iowa State with a degree in May. But I
digress.
Since my tween years I’ve always wanted to have
things planned out. It’s not that I fear change, I tend to embrace it, it’s
that I hate uncertainty; I hate not knowing things. If I sit down to watch a
movie with someone who has already seen it and I’m actually enjoying it, then I
don’t stop asking them, “What happens next? Do they die? Does this happen?” I’m
the same way with life in general. I want to know what is going to happen,
when, how, and if there is anything that I can do to expedite the process. When
my big plans fall apart, so do I.
Recently, however, I have realized that that is a
silly thing to do. Not because sulking doesn’t get you anywhere but because
most of my failed plans have led to greener pastures. Had I graduated seven
months ago like I was suppose to, my life would look very different right now
and I’m not sure how much I’d actually like it.
I never would have had my current internship, which
would’ve meant failing to meet countless amazing people and remaining oblivious
to the Iowa music scene (and it is fantastic!). Iowa would definitely not be
the state that I’d currently be calling home and I wouldn’t be thinking about
possibly throwing a festival of my own some day. Plus last month I met a pretty
incredible girl. She’s smart, funny, creative, kind, and whether she believes
it or not, she is going places and I wouldn’t mind tagging along (not sure that'll happen, but I'll find out).
Today I am a very different person than I was even
just a few months ago – a better person, too. I may never be able to
break my habit of making major plans (and I probably should have some plans). I
may never be able to properly write one of these posts without getting
distracted by the music playing in my head. I may never accept that everything
happens for a reason (which is still up for debate), but I don’t have to
because somehow things will simply work themselves out (with a little push).
For staying until the end . . .
